A 40-Day Spiritual Journey for Breakthrough creativity, DAY 16
How often do you get to decide what is real? Never Rarely Sometimes Always
The film Never Rarely Sometimes Always (March 2020) dramatizes the dilemma of teen abortion. I recently came across writer and director Eliza Hittman’s commentary on a key scene from the film. The scene is a credible testimony to the fact that reality is complex: each person must confront the reality of life. However, the choices we make play a key role in determining our individual and collective realities. It is here in this “in-between” place of reality-as-we-must-confront-it, and the reality that we would like for myself/ourselves, that most of us find ourselves. How must we choose in order to make a determined move toward the better?
In the clip from the film, Autumn–a teen with an unexpected pregnancy–the main character, discovers she is pregnant and attempts to get an abortion at a Planned Parenthood office. In the scene, Autumn is responding to the incisive questions of a counselor at the intake office. The film may not be a “true” story–as in, based on specific real life events of an actual person–but from the snippet I saw it tells Autumn’s story truthfully, which in the end in my estimate is what makes it real.
According to the writer-director, the counselor who played the part in the film was not a professional actor, but an actual counselor whom the director came across while doing research on the film. The scene was shot on location at the Planned Parenthood counselor’s office. This made the counselor’s questions seem even more real; it conveyed a sense of genuineness and transparency, revealing Autumn’s inner world: a teen with an unexpected pregnancy. The two-camera angles, “a frontal and a 3/4 profile” of Autumn’s response to the questioning process was simple and straightforward inviting intimacy between actors and viewer.
“Your partner has hit you, slapped you, or physically hurt you. Never, rarely, sometimes, always.”
Transcript, https://www.nytimes.com/video/arts
We learn that Hittman quarantines the actor before filming the interview scene in order to isolate her from all the commotion of the shooting venue. Apparently, the actor was left alone in an office room all by herself for a few hours before the first take of the shot for the interview scene. It was a “cathartic” experience for the actor to the extent that she couldn’t do another take. The first take was used for the final edit in the film.
What heightens what is real however is revealed in the last question: “Has anyone forced you into a sexual act ever in your lifetime? Yes or no.”
“Has anyone forced you into a sexual act ever in your lifetime? Yes or no.”
TRANSCRIPT, HTTPS://WWW.NYTIMES.COM/VIDEO/ARTS
When it comes to determining what is real, a simple yes or no should suffice. I’d like to watch the film in order to learn how Autumn eventually responds to the reality she finds herself in and the reality that she chooses to create for herself.
My takeaway from the film clip and Hittman’s commentary is that what is real is authentic, intimate, deeply relational, identifiable, specific, historical, and ultimately, true.
Making A choice toward what is real
Ultimately, the reality of creativity reveals the strength of the tie between who we are and what we create. It is product and process. Conveying what is real–what it is and what it can be–artfully, isn’t easy. As creative professionals and artists, making a choice toward what is real is something that confronts us at every stage in the creative process. It’s a choice we are privileged to make Always.
Here are some ways that we may continue to learn regarding how to make the choice for what is real wisely:
First, Truth reveals reality.
IT’S HARD TO IGNORE THAT WHAT IS ULTIMATELY REAL HAS TO BE TRUE. And yet so often we prefer half-truths or lies when it comes to shaping our worlds.
For me, it boils down to this logic: to the extent that I as a performer or teacher cannot truly identify with my art/work, to that extent, others, my audience, will find it hard to identify with me. I have to really believe in what I am doing in order for it to be real to me and for it to come across as real to others. Have you felt that? Do I always take the time to test and prove my assumptions and motivations?
Have you ever produced work that does not truly represent who you are or what you believe to be true about yourself, the world, or others?
I remember once being asked to score the music for an advertisement film the tag line of which I simply did not believe in. At the time, I raised the issue, voicing my dissatisfaction, with my producers. They responded quite matter-of-factly, I recall, “What’s your problem? You’re being paid aren’t you?” I didn’t care too much about it at the time. But I do remember feeling somewhat cheated–in a very real way I felt that I was compromising on my creativity. I eventually made the choice to do whatever needed to be done for the pay check at the end of the day. Nothing wrong or criminal…or, was there/it? Is there a standard for non-commercial creativity against which we can measure ourselves?
“What’s your problem? You’re being paid aren’t you?”
What is real is ultimately revealed by what is true. Truth reveals reality.
Second, it follows that what is real can be obscured by what is false.
Truth reveals, falsehood obscures or covers up that which is true. In the film snippet Autumn has to come to terms ultimately with what is real. She can choose to deny it; but choosing denial would defer the solution.
Isn’t it amazing how often we choose to or prefer to deny the truth rather than embrace the reality of the situation? Denial forces untruth. Untruth is like the iron bars of a prison cell, the bars of iron that block the mind from the truth of reality. We attempt to peer through the bars of our own thoughts, our own perspectives of what is right or wrong, what is good or bad, what is true or false. Denial appears to offer a very clear view; but it is through the bars of untruth, which is deception. What deceptions are we living under? What lies do we believe about ourselves, the world, and others that is holding us back from embracing the truth of our reality?
The not so happy story of how I got my yellow belt
Sharing a leaf from my personal story: I remember taking judo lessons as a kid. I wanted to learn judo and be Bruce Lee. But each time I went to judo classes, I would get kicked and beaten so much, that I would start to bawl. I’m sure it wasn’t half as bad as I made it out to be. I was a wimp. Eventually, I gave up. However, not before I got my yellow belt….It’s not what you think. I wish it were different, but here is the truth: I dyed my white belt yellow at home and never showed anyone. I just did it for myself. Eventually, I stopped judo classes. Now, that’s a horrible story…that I still think about…it’s real; it’s true. I now admit, I did not see it in myself to push through and do whatever it took to get the yellow belt the right way. I decided to shortchange myself, shoot myself in the foot. In the end, I suffered…and the world never got to see the real me, the Judo champ.
What is real is ultimately revealed by what is true. What is real is often obscured by that which is false.
Third, what is real is ultimately corroborated by experience
Truth is not merely an abstraction, but an experiential reality. For Autumn, the fact that she was pregnant was not merely in her mind, but an imagined reality the possibility of which always existed and that finally came to pass. She was right there in it, suffering the consequences of her earlier choices. This is as real as it gets. I’m not sure why she made those choices. I’m unsure why I make certain choices, at times. But here’s a story that in a way cuts through to what ultimately decides the choices that shape our reality.
In the classic story, The Velveteen Rabbit (1922), the toy bunny asks his fellow toy box mate, an old well-worn toy horse, “What is real?…. Does it mean having things buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?” As the story of The Velveteen Rabbit goes, the toy bunny learns that what is real is ultimately a process of becoming. The old skin horse goes on to explain, “Real isn’t how you are made,”…”It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
I would partially edit the horse’s response to: “Real isn’t [only about] how you are made,” but it is a thing that happens to you when you act and make choices in accord with how you were made and who made you. Just as the artwork resonates and represents the best intentions, even the real love, of the artist, likewise, what is real is evidence of one’s experience of that sort of love. If that which is ultimately real is personal, relational, intimate, authentic, and true, then that is what will be evidently real.
The question is, are we ready to hear the truth? Or, do we prefer to live in the security of obscurity? What truth about yourself are you avoiding?
how shall we choose what is real?
Jesus came to reveal what is real. Ultimately, it is not the law of religion (Christianity included) but the new commandment to “love another as I have loved you” that shall determine our individual and collective reality. What is real is authentic, intimate, deeply relational, identifiable, specific, historical, and ultimately, true.
But, how shall we choose love? Never Rarely Sometimes Always
